Healing isn’t enough. I need my therapist to subscribe to my blog and tell me she’s proud of me.

✨RISE & RAGE BABIES✨

Moving forward, I’m going to start naming all of my blog posts like pop-punk bands named their songs in the early 2000’s.

Just a couple of quick updates for you:
- I posted a video of myself singing and dancing on the internet if you even care (I swear this is relevant) Click for Cringe
- I have been on a crusade to find the best cover of “Ghost” by Justin Bieber. I’m open to all suggestions here.
- I purchased some adult coloring books with swear words and a copy of Wuthering Heights on Amazon. Clearly I’m going through something.
- I started listening to bedtime stories on the Calm app. Please do this if you do not already.

🎵 I’m Just a Kid and Anxiety is a Nightmare 🎵

Story time. Many years ago, I sat in my therapists office (not my current therapist) and she told me that there are two types of people: fear driven people and anxiety driven people. Personally, I think that is way too generalized. For starters, there must be a secret third type of person whose parents hugged them enough as a child. Did that person turn out normal? If that is you pls speak up.

Anyway, I found this controversial because I am driven by both fear AND anxiety. And that, my friends, is what I am here to talk about.

😳 Cringe for Content

Maybe you can relate to that. I look back on my life and I see a lot of opportunities I didn’t take. A lot of authenticity that I held back on because I was fearful. I was afraid of what people would think about me, what they would say about me. I was afraid people would see who I was underneath the positivity and bubbly personality. The truth is I am a deeply flawed individual (shocking I know) and prior to about a year ago, one of my greatest fears was to be truly seen.

Scratch that, I think there are times where I still fear that. But one thing I began to realize is that I am not special here. This feeling is not reserved for me. The fear of being seen, the anxiety around what others will think.. It turns out that’s just what I have deemed to be the Human Condition™️.

⭐️ I Will Overthink Circles Around You

Why is that though??? Why are we so afraid of being seen as ourselves?

The answer is very simple. What could possibly be worse than putting every vulnerable inch of yourself out there only to be rejected? That’s the singular “what if” that stands between the person we are and the person we could become.

I started really paying attention to this in my life and I could see that the longer I kept my vulnerability to myself, the longer I kept telling myself that people didn’t care what I had to say, the more I lost sight of who I actually was. There is such a lack of authenticity for me in that.

See what happened was I kept layering my excuses while allowing my fear and anxiety to take the wheel. Those two things controlled it all. I allowed them to keep me from being ME.

🪑 Exposure Therapy™️

What changed though? How did I go from fear and silence to posting videos of myself singing and dancing on the internet? I set out in pursuit of myself. I wanted to know if I could be the mom that my kids look to and realize that I embodied what I wanted them to embrace.. themselves. Authentically. With or without fear.

The reality is you really don’t have time to weigh your options or your “what ifs”. You will talk yourself out of anything if you give yourself the opportunity to.

So I stopped giving the version of me that kept myself in a box the chance to say no to the version of me that I could be proud of.

🥸 Literally No One Knows What They Are Doing

There is no recipe. No “how to” on becoming a more authentic version of yourself. So I just started freakin posting. I mean simply just that. I look at the first video I ever made compared to the most recent one I made and it is like watching myself morph into someone who embraces themselves and their vulnerability on warp speed, max volume. I call this ”Exposure Therapy”. The more you watch yourself on camera, the more you listen to that cringey ass recording of your own voice, the less sensitive you become to it. And then it happens.

You stop being so concerned with what other people think because for the first time, YOU see YOU.

And maybe you feel a little pride over how far you have come and humility over how far you still have to go and how much you still have to learn. But for the first time you realize that it’s okay to be you.

By “you” I mean ”me”. And for me, this is only the beginning.

📈If I Was the Inventor of Healing I Would Simply Make it Linear

All of this is not to say that I am suddenly fearless or have no anxiety around what people see when they look at me. Trust me, I am nowhere near courageous enough to post what I would call “the most embarrassing video I have ever made of myself” on the interwebs. But I fully intend on pushing forward. Truth be told, I am A LOT. And I’m certainly not everyone’s cup of tea.. but there is a saying that I love to hate that I try to remember.. “other people’s opinion of you is none of your business”.

What in the liberation is that????

💥 …And I Took That Personally

What inspired this post? Fear is constantly in the front of my mind. It is with consistent intention that I push it to the side to allow myself to come to the forefront.

I recently watched someone’s vlog and it reminded me of just how human we all are, regardless of how people see us on the outside. Fear will always exist but I will take the sentiment of that vlog with me moving forward. #DoItAnyway.

Vulnerability = Relatability = Connection = Community.

Isn’t that what we REALLY want?

I know what you’re thinking and here is my answer: Post it. I dare You. What’s the worst that could happen?

/* if I am wrong and all of this fails, you can find me in bed by 9pm listening to Jonathan Bailey read me love stories in a British Accent. */

xx - Jordyn

PSS - To continue watching me embarrass myself on the internet, subscribe to my YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@lttopod?si=UkoyFXyu2q58YAUf

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